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For Immediate Release (from Queen’s Park)

Whispers circulating around Queen’s Park indicate a cabinet shuffle may be in the works for the new year. Sources close to the Premiers office indicate adult conversations have occurred pointing to a cabinet shake-up thereby attempting to put lipstick (cruelty-free of course) on a rotting porcine government.

Some of the notable moves could be Bob Chiarelli out of the Energy portfolio.  Wynne has been overheard to say, “That ‘Cup-of-Tim-Hortons-Coffee-a-Year’ talking point was brilliant, but I can’t tolerate that kind of intelligence in my senior cabinet.”

Chairelli is expected to be offered the “Minister Without a Portfolio” file.

Other notables are Charles (decisions-shouldn’t-be-based-on-election-cycles) Sousa in Finance and Deb (The Grim Reaper) Matthews in Health.  According to staffers, moves could be made there as Sousa and Matthews seem to be asserting themselves, wanting to take evermore credit in the destruction of Ontario.  “This type of individual initiative is not acceptable in my government,” Wynne bellowed.

Also, for weeks now, an angry Wynne has been scouring the bowels of Queens Park looking for the Minister of Agriculture. Only recently has senior staff reminded her that she is the Minister.   Expect no changes there.

Ministers deemed to be safe include Liz Sandals in Education, that is until the new curriculum is implemented, ostensibly shutting out parents as to when the best time would be to teach their kids about alternate uses for root vegetables.  If Sandals tries to take any credit though, for greasing the teachers unions, she could be busted to the backbench quicker than you can say, “Dalton, Dalton, Dalton!”

Other safe Ministers are James Bradley in Environment and David Orazietti in Natural Resources.  Wynne has continually praised the brain-dead stewardship of their portfolios especially as it pertains to the wind turbine rollout.  “They’re no threat to me,” she said.

So, come the new year, will there be any shake-ups, any New Years resolutions offered by the governing Liberals?

Or will it be just a shuffling of deck chairs on the battered ship Ontario getting set to take another run at the iceberg?

P. Kuster


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