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CanWEA Disbands — Stunning news rocks world of renewable energy

Reuters – April 1, 2014

An announcement this morning from R. Hornung, of the Canadian Wind Energy Association, has rocked the renewable energy sector of Canada.  In an unusual display of candor and honesty, Mr. Hornung stated that he can no longer support the growth of wind energy in this country and has decided to disband the association.  Citing the numerous ‘studies’ that have bolstered sales of wind turbines, particularly in Ontario, Mr. Hornung confessed that they were all ‘bought and paid for’ by Samsung, wind lobbyists and the wind industry as a whole.

No truth to them whatsoever,”  Hornung bluntly stated, referring to the pro-wind studies which concluded that there are no ill health effects, no drop in property values, or that wind energy is economically viable.  When asked how they were able to bend so many rules and regulations that other industries are held to, he repliedWell, it took quite a few million to grease the palms of the politicians involved, but hey, we’ve made billions in return.  Ya gotta spend money to make money, you know?”

When questioned if the same held true for medical experts, such as Ontario’s Chief Medical Officer of Health, Dr. A. King, or the Australian Medical Association, who issued reports stating that there was no evidence of anyone suffering directly from wind turbines,  Hornung admitted that King was easily bought.  An all expense paid trip to Hawaii for her and her family, plus complimentary continental breakfast was enough.  Hell, we would have been willing to throw in some Mai Tai’s for free, but she accepted the offer before we got to that point.  We weren’t going to push the issue.  More money in our pockets, right?  AND the beauty is that we were able to write it off as a business expense.”

Mr. Hornung also came clean on other issues that victims of industrial wind turbines had often suspected and claimed, such as:

Yes, M. Barnard is a paid wind industry shill.  Why do you think he’s living in Southeast Asia and has the time to spend all day on the internet spreading lies and misinformation?  Nobody does that for free, geez!”

Yes, we know that the values of neighbouring properties drop significantly.  *guffaw*  We couldn’t believe that people were actually believing us when we told them there was no impact.  HAH!  Shows just how gullible these faux neo-environmentalists are.”

Yeah, we admit that we paid people to bury the carcasses of dead birds and bats around wind facilities.  Actually, we had so many people on the payroll doing just that, that it really cut into our profits, but government fines would have cost a lot more, so it was worth the investment.  We’ve come up with a great solution to that though.  Now we just release a hundred feral cats around a wind farm and let them clean up the bodies.  *laughs*  Then we put out a study that says that more birds are killed by feral cats, than wind turbines.  BRILLIANT!!  Gotta love our PR team. *haha*. They just crack me up.”

As for the oft-debated issue of infrasound, Hornung became a bit more subdued.  “Well, yeah.  We don’t like to talk about that too much around the office.  We’ve known about the horrific side effects of infrasound for decades and some people in the wind industry were really getting attacks of moral conscience about that.  We just slipped them an extra bonus at Christmas time and avoided the topic so as not to keep reminding them of it.  Seemed to do the trick.”

When asked what he plans to do now, Hornung responded, Well, my good buddy Dalt has invited me to visit him down in Massachussetts.  Thought I’d sit in on a few of his lectures at Harvard on political ethics.  Then we’ll probably go out afterwards and get sh**-face plastered, laughing about it  I’ll probably also go visit David Suzuki on his island that he co-owns with an oil company.  I’ve got lots of good memories sitting on his deck, laughing about the irony.  Maybe we’ll invite Gore for a visit, tooLast time *haha*  last time  *hehe* Gore had the pilot of his private jet do donuts in the sky above Dave’s mansion.  He’d text us each time they did a loop, ‘One carbon credit.  Two carbon credits.’  *hehehe*  Oh man, it had us on the floor pissing our pants. *hehehe*”

As he wiped tears of laughter from the corners of his eyes, Hornung finally answered a question posed by Ezra Levant of Sun News Network,Why now Bob?  What made you decide to quit now?”

Well, how many billions can one person use, ya know?  I’m running out of offshore bank accounts to hide my money in.  It’s becoming more of a pain than what it’s worth.”

Come on Bob!  We’re not that stupid.  Why now?” countered Levant.

“Okay fine.  Why not?  The Europeans are clamping down and scaling back on their subsidies and contracts for wind.  The U.S. didn’t renew it’s wind credits.  The writing’s on the wall for Ontario, with the PC’s poised to take power.  So I figure I’ll just close up shop, by a mega-yacht and cruise around the world.  That way I won’t have to worry about buying a retirement estate that might someday be surrounded by those eyesore turbines.  Who wants to look at those f@!#ing things all day long, eh??”

As he exited the conference room that was packed with national media, Hornung called back to the throng of reporters, Let me leave you with one piece of advice. If it looks like a weasel and talks like a weasel, it really IS a wind industry rep.”

Later this morning in the halls of Queen’s Park, Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne was asked for her reaction to the news and all of Hornung’s revelations.  Her response was, “I’m sorry. Who?  Don’t know the man.”

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april-fool-day-for-desktop

 

 

 

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One Comment on “CanWEA Disbands — Stunning news rocks world of renewable energy”

  1. Wayne Couture April 1, 2014 at 2:56 pm #

    The sad truth, everything you mentioned here is more than the truth! Without April fools joke.

    FYI
    Best Regards,
    Wayne C

    >

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